Why I Am Truly Scared Of Teabaggers

So, an interesting thought occurred to me a short while ago.  I think that you as my loyal Fanz should know about it as well.  But first, a disclaimer: I fucking love Firefly.  I do, and I also like just about anything done by Joss Whedon.  So, imagine my surprise when this video popped up. 

When I first saw it on The Maddow Blog a few months back, I clicked on it because I was intrigued to why Joss Whedon would support Romney.  I know now it's satire, but I didn't back then, that is until I watched the video. 

A few days ago I was thinking about that video and it got me thinking.  What other things are Conservatives for that can lead to terrible, bad, icky outcomes?  Then it hit me like an Exterminatus:


"Sup, fuckers?  Remember me from that post no one read?"

That's right: the Conservative Right supports the Alien Rape Apocalypse! 

"But, Holtzy, I saw Aliens.  It was about bad-ass Colonial Marines kicking alien ass and not even taking names, just wholesale ass-whoopage."

First of all, fictitious reader, who, actually increases my audience by 33%, Aliens was the ass-bustingly awesome sequel to Alien. 

So, quick recap: Space-faring salvage crew of the Nostromo comes across a derelict vessel.  Inside they find weird eggs.  One of the crew members gets face-raped by a vagina with legs. 

Remember this image next time you have sex.

A while later, a penis-monster busts through the pregnant guy's chest (incidentally, the black crew member doesn't die first, a landmark in cinema history).  Said penis-monster grows into an alien, who while vicious has a dong-shaped head.  Then the wiener-head goes on a rampage that ends with 1979 Sigouney Weaver fucking its life up by shooting it into space.  So, there ya' go.  You're all up to speed now. 

Now, I know you think I made up all of that imagery with the dicks and such.  I'm just working with what they gave me.  According to Dan O'Bannon, screenwriter of Alien and alleged hater of nookie, he wrote his rape script after Dark Star tanked and went tits-up.  Cracked already did an article on the imagery. 

Still with me?  Good.  We're not out of the rape-woods yet. 

Remember back in November when that little election thing happened?



"...Then I'll poke you in the eye."
"Mr. President, Your response?"
"I will pimp-slap you, Mr. Romney."

Remember when they were talking about "personhood" and "reproductive rights"?  Remember when Richard Mourdock, Todd Akin and other fool said that women need to take a pregancy to term?  Even in cases of rape? 


Oh...my...God...

Do you see where this is going?  Teabaggers are secretly, Alien sympathizers.  The Alien Queen must've used her telepathic abilities on the Right to soften America up for the Alien invasion.  This revelation is earth-shattering.  Please spread this warning to all your friends and loved ones. 

As with all my posts, let me know what you think in the comments below, love it or hate it.  Also, tell your friends about my blog too.